HEART TO HEART with Diane Warner

Diane Warner, a nationally known wedding consultant and prolific author of popular wedding books, has graciously agreed to contribute articles and insights to Internet Wedding Links on a regular basis.

We are proud to offer this new feature and hope you will check back often to benefit from her entertaining, common sense approach to the whirlwind experience called "getting married." Here is her 3rd installment titled "Wedding Attire."

To preview or purchase Diane's books, visit her Web site.

here's nothing quite as exciting for the bride as shopping for her wedding gown, and understandably so. After all, when will she ever have a chance to spend this much money on one dress again? Before you run out shopping, however, there are a couple of things to think about.

First of all, as you may have noticed in my first article, it's important to establish your wedding budget before you shop for your gown.

Next, before you purchase your gown, you need to consider your theme. For example, a sleek, sophisticated gown may not work with a Victorian theme.

Finally, before you go shopping, give some thought to your ceremony and reception sites. Next month I'll talk about these sites in detail, but for now, suffice it to say that your sites may lend themselves to a certain theme and, therefore, your wedding attire.

Bridal Salons:

The first stop for most brides is to visit a bridal salon, which is fine as long as it is reputable. To locate reputable bridal salons in your area, ask other brides for their advice, plus check with your local Better Business Bureau. If even one complaint has been filed against a salon, cross it off your list. There are plenty of honest, reputable salons out there, and it's just a matter of finding them.

Once you've scouted out a few possibilities, visit them with these things in mind:

Be aware that most salon salespeople are on commission.
Try to shop on a weekday -- Saturdays get pretty wild!
Ideally, you'll find the gown of your dreams right off the rack, but if a gown needs to be ordered in your size, ask to see the manufacturer's sizing chart that lists the bust, waist and hip measurements for each size. (Note: Your "bust" size is NOT necessarily your "bra" size.)
What are the payment policies?
What services are included in their charges? (Pressing? Alterations? Delivery to bride's home or to ceremony site?)
Written estimate for alterations?
Will they furnish you with a confirmation of their order with the manufacturer?
(Note: The reason for this question is that some bridal salons run their businesses on a shoestring -- using today's deposits to pay for last month's utility bills or gown orders, etc., and using next month's deposits to order YOUR gown. You need assurance that YOUR deposit will be used to order YOUR gown TODAY!)
On your deposit receipt, be sure your gown is described in detail, including the name of the manufacturer; style number; price; color; size; promised date of delivery, plus the stipulation that if it is NOT received by that date, the deal is off and the salon promises to refund the full amount of your deposit. By the way, set a delivery date at least a month before the wedding to allow time for your bridal portrait.
Finally, pay with a credit card -- never with cash or by personal check. The reason for this is that by using your credit card, you are protected by Federal Regulation C, which entitles you to receive a full refund if merchandise doesn't live up to what has been promised. (This same advice applies to all your other wedding purchases.)

The Discount Market:

Many brides purchase their gowns on the discount market, which includes factory outlet stores, bridal warehouses, bridal marts and mail order, such as DBS (Discount Bridal Service) and J. C. Penney.

Outlet stores, such as those for Jessica McClintock or Gunne Sax, have hundreds of gowns available off the rack in a variety of sizes and at discounted prices.

There are also bridal warehouses that offer gowns from many different manufacturers, such as David's Bridal, which has 25 stores around the country, and Kleinfelds in New York, which has over 3,000 gowns in stock. Kleinfelds also sells wedding gowns through various Saks Fifth Avenue stores around the U.S.

Bridal Marts sell overruns of famous designers, as well as gowns forfeited by bridal salons who were forced to declare bankruptcy. A bridal mart called "Affordable Dreams" in Phoenix, Arizona, sells many of its dresses for 50 to 70 percent off retail. There are also "instant marts" that pop up in hotel ballrooms, at bridal shows, and at other locations, usually selling gowns on "one-day-only-sales."

Mail order is available through DBS, J.C. Penney's, and several bridal warehouses. For example, you can order a gown through Kleinfelds via telephone or fax and receive a discount of 10 to 25 percent. Their telephone number is (718) 833-1100.

J. C. Penney's offers gowns through their "Bridal Collection" catalog by many name-brand manufacturers, such as "Sweetheart" and "Alfred Angelo," in sizes from 4 to 26W. The beauty of ordering a gown through this catalog is that there is no waiting -- the gown arrives in a few days. You can try it on and if you like it, fine. If not, you can return it with no questions asked! Their "catalog leftovers" are worth considering, too. They are available at their catalog warehouse outlets, such as the one in Sparks, Nevada that I visited recently. I couldn't believe the number of gowns available -- all in their plastic zipper bags -- and all at GREATLY discounted prices.

Finally, DBS (Discount Bridal Service) is a highly-reputable company with over 300 representatives nationwide who will order your gown for you at a 20 to 40 percent discount. Whereas most bridal salons only carry gowns from a dozen or so manufacturers, DBS can order from over 100 manufacturers. If you have a certain gown in mind, just tell your DBS rep the magazine issue and page number where it can be found, and she will order it for you. Call (800) 874-8794 for the name of the rep closest to you.

By the way, if you're looking for a gown with a DEEP discount, you may want to consider borrowing a gown, renting a gown, having one sewn for you, purchasing from a consignment shop, or ordering a bridesmaid's gown in white.

Tips:

Purchase your gown, headpiece or veil, and all your accessories as soon as you can after you become engaged. As your wedding day approaches, you don't want to be running around shopping for shoes or a petticoat!
Don't purchase a gown in a smaller size because you plan to lose weight between now and the wedding. I hope you do lose the weight and you probably will, but what if you don't? Purchase a gown NOW that fits you NOW. Then, if you do lose the weight, that will be wonderful and all you'll need to do is have the gown altered to fit you.
You may want to consider a detachable train or a removable skirt for the reception.

Gowns for your attendants, the mothers and the flower girl:

These gowns are available from the same sources mentioned above or off-the-rack in the "After Five" or "Special Occasion" section of your favorite department store, such as Macy's, Nordstrom's or the Emporium.

The Men:

The groom, groomsmen, ushers, ring bearer and the fathers have the option of renting tuxedos or wearing something they already own.

When it comes to tuxedo rentals, there are three choices:

Renting through a bridal shop
Renting through a tuxedo chain store
Renting through an independent tuxedo shop

First of all, renting through a bridal shop can be a problem because the men aren't usually able to see the tuxes and try them on ahead of time to decide which they like the best -- they must be ordered from a catalog.

My preference is to rent from a tuxedo chain store or an independent that has a large stock of tuxedos on hand at their facility.

In any case, the groom should ask for their "package discount," which means that if all the men order their tuxes through that particular shop, the groom's tux rental is usually free. Also, to save money, I recommend the men wear their own shoes.

As far as wearing their own attire, dark suits work well, especially when all the boutonnieres are alike. Otherwise, navy blue blazers and white slacks are always an option, especially for an outdoor wedding.

Here are some of the trends in men's attire:

Vests are "In" -- cummerbunds are "Out"
Wide jacket lapels are "In"
Banded collar shirts are "In" (the "Mandarin-style" that requires no bow-tie.)

My final word of advice:

I just finished writing a book entitled HOW TO HAVE A HASSLE-FREE WEDDING that will be out next January, and in the process of the research I came to an interesting conclusion:

In order to eliminate hassles when it comes to purchasing wedding attire, it is REALLY smart to avoid special ordering a gown from a manufacturer. I realize that most special order gowns arrive in time with no problems at all, but what if any of these "Murphy's Law" disasters should happen?

The bridal salon goes out of business.
The manufacturer goes out of business.
The order is delayed by the manufacturer because the imported lace required for your gown didn't arrive on time, or they have an enormous number of back orders, etc.
The order is misplaced or mishandled.
The gown doesn't arrive at all.
It arrives, but it is the wrong size or the wrong gown.

I hear horror stories nearly every week from brides who have been caught up in one or more of these scenarios.

Why not play it safe and find a gown you love off the rack -- even if it means doing what one bride from San Jose did. She flew to New York for the weekend and purchased her gown at Kleinfelds. She said that the money she saved on the gown paid for her trip and, best of all, her gown was hanging safe and sound in her very own closet!

For all of you brides who live in the San Francisco Bay area, it's certainly worth a trip to the local Jessica McClintock and Gunne Sax outlets or, you can always make a weekend of it with a little visit to Reno and Sparks where you can look through the gowns at Penney's catalog outlet warehouse.

In any case, I hope you find the wedding gown of your dreams! Good luck to you! Meanwhile, come visit me at my web site: www.dianewarnerbooks.com. I'd love to "see" you!

END OF ARTICLE